Drunk Stories!

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Drunk Stories!

Post  Laura on Sun Aug 04, 2013 12:17 am

I've already told the story of breaking my tailbone after 2 bottles of wine and Kissme's mentioned her boyfriend yelling at bathroom tiles...

Who's got some funny drunk stories... I have loads!

I once came home, buttered 5 bagels, chucked them all on the dining room floor and went to bed Cool 
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Re: Drunk Stories!

Post  Sarah on Sun Aug 04, 2013 12:26 am

When drunk on cider at about 15 I escaped the house because my mum was trying to take my drink away, ran up the hill in the middle of the road, fell over, landed on my arse and rolled over a bit then proudly announced to the small crowd that had gathered from my mums house to watch the commotion that it was ok, I hadn't spilt any drink then lay back down and tried to sleep Very Happy

Another time whilst drunk at my mums I threw up, and it went everywhere, so I spent the whole night calling to my mum from my bed not to worry cuz I'd redecorate her toilet Very Happy she was amused the first time but by 4am when I was still shouting it regularly the whole house was ready to kill me Very Happy

Another time I was drunk and being sick and got very upset that I had been sick 5 times but "by law I can only be sick 4 times cuz I only sold 4 things on eBay today" queue lots of crying from me about how unfair it was and much laughter from my sister who I think even filmed it
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Re: Drunk Stories!

Post  Sally Magpie on Sun Aug 04, 2013 1:02 am

When I used to go out in the local city we had to get the night bus home. This ran at 2am, 3am or 3,30 if you missed the 3am one.

It was about a 45 minute ride to the town nearest my house, then I had to walk a mile or get a taxi the last bit.

One night on the night bus home with my mate we had to get off because she was going to have an 'accident'. she promptly ran off from the bus stop into someones front garden, and had a poo. Yes, on the driveway! Because it was an alcoholic poo it really smelt, so instead of sit in the bus stop and wait for the next bus we walked on to the next stop to avoid having to stand next to it.
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Re: Drunk Stories!

Post  Laura on Sun Aug 04, 2013 1:08 am

Hahahaha Sal that's rank.

I once threw up on a cashpoint while trying to withdraw money. I didn't have time to direct it anywhere, it just came without warning.
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Re: Drunk Stories!

Post  starrystarry on Sun Aug 04, 2013 1:38 am

I fell off a coach once on the way home from a work's xmas do. That was their fault for having a free bar though.

Fell in a stream on a golf course (short cut home) and lost my shoe.

I had to walk home (5 miles) on my own one night because I'd spent my taxi fare on booze. After that I used to leave a tenner in a little pot by the front door. I used to tie my front door key to a belt loop on my jeans so I couldn't lose it.

I was a disgrace when I was younger. No doubt my friends would tell more stories that I've chosen to forget about. I'm slightly more sensible nowadays.
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Re: Drunk Stories!

Post  Sally Magpie on Sun Aug 04, 2013 2:08 am

When Ben and I first got together we went away to a caravan park for a few days. We were in the bar, and got completely trollied drinking bottles of reef and I had blue slush puppies with malibu in them.

Anyway, we went into the entertainments centre and very loudly started taking the piss out of this adult who was dancing in the childrens disco. People were looking at us like we were scum. But we were the only people there who hadn't got kids and could barely stand due to alcohol.

Music finishes, adult turns around, its a down syndrome kid :S
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Re: Drunk Stories!

Post  starrystarry on Sun Aug 04, 2013 2:17 am

Sally Magpie wrote:When Ben and I first got together we went away to a caravan park for a few days. We were in the bar, and got completely trollied drinking bottles of reef and I had blue slush puppies with malibu in them.

Anyway, we went into the entertainments centre and very loudly started taking the piss out of this adult who was dancing in the childrens disco. People were looking at us like we were scum. But we were the only people there who hadn't got kids and could barely stand due to alcohol.

Music finishes, adult turns around, its a down syndrome kid :S

affraid 
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Re: Drunk Stories!

Post  Sally Magpie on Sun Aug 04, 2013 2:18 am

In our defence we didn't know, we thought it was an adult, and if it was an adult, it would have been dead funny.

Only problem was it wasn't.
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Re: Drunk Stories!

Post  Laura on Sun Aug 04, 2013 2:22 am

Sally affraid affraid affraid 
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Re: Drunk Stories!

Post  Wesker on Sun Aug 04, 2013 2:23 am

Laura wrote:I once came home, buttered 5 bagels, chucked them all on the dining room floor and went to bed Cool 

I read that as 'buggered' Shocked

Laughing Laughing Laughing 
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Re: Drunk Stories!

Post  Sally Magpie on Sun Aug 04, 2013 2:25 am

On the same holiday we went to the pub onsite at about 1 oclock as we were bored. By the time 5 oclock came we were so drunk we could barely walk back to the caravan, and walked back holding each other up.

Went back to the caravan and attempted to light the fire...blew the match out with the gas :S
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Re: Drunk Stories!

Post  Laura on Sun Aug 04, 2013 2:25 am

Wesker wrote:
Laura wrote:I once came home, buttered 5 bagels, chucked them all on the dining room floor and went to bed Cool 

I read that as 'buggered' Shocked

Laughing Laughing Laughing 

Who knows, I was so fucked I might have done that too Very Happy
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Re: Drunk Stories!

Post  Geordie Nails on Sun Aug 04, 2013 4:01 am

I can't even look at a glass of rosé anymore because that's what me and my best friend used to get drunk on when she still lived here! The worst story is when she was convinced she was sober, drove me home absolutely safely, then drove onto a roundabout on the way back to hers! I can't believe we got in a car that night. Less dangerous stories include wandering around Paris shouting "TEN EUROS?!!!!!!" after we were robbed by an extortionate bar, explaining in French to a hotel clerk in the early hours that we were English and thus required tea and then raiding the breakfast trolley, and being given an Indian head massage against my will by another hotel clerk after he showed me roughly 1000 of his holiday photos.
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Re: Drunk Stories!

Post  LoolaBeanbag on Sun Aug 04, 2013 9:52 am

Cheese on toast in the toaster (I didn't even turn it on its side).
Enjoying a post clubbing cup of tea in a dark room at the station with a nice fireman I'd met only to find the rest of the watch in bed asleep behind me....
Probably a whole host of other stuff I still have no idea about.......!
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Re: Drunk Stories!

Post  ninjablossom on Sun Aug 04, 2013 10:04 am

during an all dayer with my team and another team - a colleague found me looking for the flush on a urinal I had just thrown up into. He explained how they worked and that I was in the mens. He then got into a small fight (in his local, in his village that he invited us all back to - the sweet fool) and back at his house my manager decided to paint himself green and do a hulk impression with a skate board. We all went into work 2 hours late the next day having stayed at the house drinking till 2 - reeking and hungover.  

In my drinking history that day really stands out - we had started drinking at a conference in the morning, and we pretty lairy in front of regional managers. I recall saying 'fuck the closing speeches' and wanting to go to the pub. :(I was a ladette.

And being on a half day on a xmas eve but sticking around I was waiting for a mate to finish up. So I drank with the helpdesk guy (who was working but he was alone so I kept him company) and being pretty hammered I decided anyone who called for help, if they were on that floor, I would assist in person and train them. Apparently I was an excellent trainer that afternoon.

I've worked for some alcoholic companies No
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Re: Drunk Stories!

Post  Babafette on Sun Aug 04, 2013 10:25 am

Egged on by male friends at university, I once drank an entire bottle of port in an hour followed by several shots of Malibu. I used to love going out dancing and we were supposed to be going to a new nightclub opening in Exeter. I was fine until I went outside in the fresh air....

It was pouring with rain, I was wearing a corset, tight black trousers and platform boots and we took a short cut down an extremely steep alley with about 100 steps. I must have fallen over at least 7 or 8 times. OH and his mates disappeared off to have a pee and left me on my own during which time in my inebriated state I obviously decided to try and make my way home (not sure how I intended to get in given that I had no key!). I vaguely recall waking up in somebody's front garden. The police were called and as I had no ID on me and had been injured they took me back to the police station for my own safety. OH and his friends then spent about 2 hours wandering around Exeter looking for me. Shocked 

They finally asked a couple of policemen if they had seen anybody matching my description and were told that I was at the police station. I had to see the police doctor as my hands were all scraped, I had quite a bad knee injury and a fat lip. I was sober within about an hour of being in the police cell but had to wait for OH to pick me up at 6am the next morning. Embarassed I didn't even have a hangover.

I didn't get a caution or anything and luckily it was long before the days of fixed penalties for being drunk. My mum was not amused when she found out though.
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Re: Drunk Stories!

Post  LoolaBeanbag on Sun Aug 04, 2013 10:31 am

Now that one takes the lead Baba!!! Love it Laughing 

(and were you wearing my outfit? tight black trousers, corset, platforms - standard night gear for me!!!!!)
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Re: Drunk Stories!

Post  LoolaBeanbag on Sun Aug 04, 2013 10:33 am

OOoh, Ninja your conference one reminded me that I tried to eat an ashtray (used) in the House of Commons after a presentation........
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Re: Drunk Stories!

Post  Babafette on Sun Aug 04, 2013 10:42 am

LoolaBeanbag wrote:Now that one takes the lead Baba!!! Love it Laughing 

(and were you wearing my outfit? tight black trousers, corset, platforms - standard night gear for me!!!!!)
Yes, I always wore trousers and platform boots and I very often used to wear corsets or cropped tops. I suppose I had quite a good figure back in those days and I used to dance on the podiums in the clubs. I was never happier than when I was dancing, I loved it. I love you 
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Re: Drunk Stories!

Post  ninjablossom on Sun Aug 04, 2013 8:25 pm

LoolaBeanbag wrote:OOoh, Ninja your conference one reminded me that I tried to eat an ashtray (used) in the House of Commons after a presentation........


urggg!! lol

yep I think ending up in a police cell takes the lead! Smile
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Re: Drunk Stories!

Post  Babafette on Sun Aug 04, 2013 8:26 pm

LoolaBeanbag wrote:OOoh, Ninja your conference one reminded me that I tried to eat an ashtray (used) in the House of Commons after a presentation........
Is it a silly question to ask why............?!? Shocked  Suspect  Laughing
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Re: Drunk Stories!

Post  kissmenow9 on Sun Aug 04, 2013 10:52 pm

If we're going down the really embarrassing stories involving the emergency services... as we've had police and firemen, I feel I should throw in my ambulance story.

In my freshers year in Bangor there was a cocktail bar called Base. It's unfortunately (or fortunately?) not there any more - in my freshers year it was busy every night but in my second it just died and no-one went. Shut down Christmas 2012. Very sad times. They used to do cocktails for £5 but every single night, they also used to do a BOGOF offer. So cocktails were basically £2.50. It was just before we broke up for the Christmas holidays when my flat and my BFs flat decided to go on a night out to Base, and then to the nightclub. I predrank a little bit but not too much. Got to Base and spent my £20 allowance in about an hour. For some reason I'd decided that tonight was the night to get absolutely shit faced, so I took the task on. BF went out for cigarettes leaving me with £25 and the words 'I want change and a drink from myself on the table when I get back', thinking that I was quite drunk so I would probably only buy two drinks and not be able to stomach the second one. He came back 45 minutes later to find me completely penniless and lying on a sofa. Probably about midnight?

We decided it was probably time to go home at that point, so off we all trooped. I decided that fuck it, I didn't want to go home, so I was going to run ahead of everyone, then when they lost sight of me double back and go out clubbing. I didn't factor in the high heels I was wearing, or the biggest hill in town, or the freezing weather. I made a gallant effort at getting up the hill - sprinted half way up it, which if you've ever been to Bangor, you will know is quite a feat as they're very steep hills - but then fell over and started throwing up. All over my coat. Decided that having a nap was a good idea. BF and my flatmates eventually reach me just as I pass out. They couldn't get me to move at all so after about an hour of trying, they noticed how frigging cold it was and called me an ambulance. Got in the ambulance after being threatened with arrest because I kept throwing up (apparently I was maliciously trying to hit the paramedic with my vomit, my BF had to point out that I couldn't move my head so it was unlikely). Freaked out when they tried to put a drip in. Got to the hospital to be told that I was on the verge of hypothermia and had to stay in overnight. Got a lovely warm blanket thing, slept for an hour, woke up feeling great.

The best part was when I went home back to my flat, my housemates were super nice and made me tea all day Laughing Not that I recommend it. Very embarrassing.
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Re: Drunk Stories!

Post  LoolaBeanbag on Sun Aug 04, 2013 10:59 pm

Babafette wrote:
LoolaBeanbag wrote:OOoh, Ninja your conference one reminded me that I tried to eat an ashtray (used) in the House of Commons after a presentation........
Is it a silly question to ask why............?!? Shocked  Suspect  Laughing

Peckish at the reception afterwards (it was lunchtime). Funnily enough I slept all the way home, sobered up and successfully gave the presentation again in the evening, word perfect.
Apparently on leaving the Commons I saw Edwina Currie and told her she had a lovely hairdo, but I have only a hazy recollection of this.
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sooo soooo drunk

Post  weskers toyboy on Tue Aug 06, 2013 3:42 am

when i was 17/18 i went round my friends for the evening on new years eve and didnt have much money. my friend said np i just brought a bottle of southern comfort, wanna share he said ? . so half a bottle of southern c later i was absoultly boloxed lol! somehow and sometime later i made it home, i fell through the back gate and was sick as i went through it,went in the house and turned all the lights on,the whole time apparently my mom was asking me what i was doing ?(what a silly question i didnt know what i was doing my self lol) then i went to go up the stairs to bed and i stopped half way and decided to wee on the stairs Embarassed at this time my mom was trying to push me up the stairs lol then i hopped in bed fully dressed and slept like a baby Laughing in the morning my mom told me what i done and i didnt belive her,untill i stood on the wet step on the stairs scratch then i was Embarassed  and couldnt apologise enough Laughing thinking back, when i woke up fully dressed should have been a clue Laughing now even years later just the smell of southern comfort  pale someone passed me in a bar not long back and i smelt the southern i was ready to go out and hurl lol
the message is drink responsibly Surprised  Shocked
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Re: Drunk Stories!

Post  Jane on Tue Aug 06, 2013 3:57 am

I used to go to a local rock club that was a bit in the sticks. Its 1990, I'm 17 or so and its the height of glam metal. With this in mind I'm wearing denim hot pants, black thigh boots, ripped t shirt and pink fishnets and I look like an extra from Motley Crue. This is fine as everyone else does as well.
I manage to miss my lift home and wake up the next morning in a strange bed. Panic sets in but I realise I've stayed at a lad I knows house and he's flat out on sofa.

I try and head home but there are no buses direct to my small area, instead I need to go to Hanley (main city) and get the bus from there. So there I am, 10am on a Saturday morning still resembling something from Motley Crue stood in the main bus station whilst every granny and child in Stoke is seemingly out shopping Embarassed Embarassed 


My best friend bless her has been my best friend since school and has accompanied me on most of my indiscretions. My drink of choice back then was a 'purple nasty' which was cider, lager and blackcurrent. I could handle my beer for the most part and ten pints of this stuff was not unusual. For some reason though this particular night they didn't go down as well and on the way back from said rock club I was hanging out the window of Sharon's Mini Clubman hurling purple nasty at 60mph. She's never let me forget it. Embarassed 

Sharon would actually have a field day telling you all the things I did. For the most part she was happier driving so I'd get exceptionally drunk whilst she tried desperately to stop me getting on tour buses Embarassed  I was so bad.
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